This is part of my daily writing ritual, where I write a short monologue / inner monologue in a 45-minute time block. No self-critique. I just start writing and see where it takes me.

The other day someone asked me what my take on love is? It’s the same as friendships and family. But this is not about love. That would be weird. This is my actual take on all of it. Not some bullshit answer either. One-hundred percent, I believe that when you show someone your true self, they will leave, or they tell those you are with to leave. Regardless they will find a way to ditch you. People always leave. Parents. Friends. Girlfriends. Boyfriends. Teachers. Co-workers. You name it, people will leave you for who you are. Any slight disturbance in the relationship, and they go. Or they ghost you. Leaving you standing there wondering what happened. Then they tell you that it was you that did something wrong. That it was you that couldn’t live up to their end of the deal.

What about your expectations? Our expectations? What about mine? I have a stake in this. Shouldn’t they be taken into consideration as well? Shouldn’t the people in our lives be able to be who they are and say what they mean no matter? But it’s like when you do something wrong or do something that cuts against the grain of how these people operate, they get mad and shut down. Shouldn’t it all be unconditional? Like deeper down than what’s on the surface?

People are so fascinated by the external that they don’t even let themselves feel the world they actually live in. Life is all about that feeling or feelings. That blurry and greasy world we all live in but can’t see, but can… feel. We avoid it at all costs. I guess our feelings can trick us into thinking that what we are actually doing is the right thing when we know down deep that it’s not. You all know what I am talking about. But we stuff them down so no one can see.

We like the sugary landscape that lives on top, like the Instagramable part of our lives. It’s easier for most people to swallow. I fall into that as well. I guess logic plays a significant role in that. The head (our monkey mind) always chooses what’s the easiest. It rejects what we feel deeper down. How could it be right if it’s not logical? It’s why we all conform to our peers and the rest of the hive. It’s why we serve our friends and family and not ourselves. We sacrifice ourselves to be liked and loved. God help us if you step out of their line and who they are. That’s what I mean. You end up shunned. Shun the non-believer. Shun! Who do you think you are? People hate what they don’t understand.

I guess because we are all mirrors of one another. When we don’t like what we see in another, we find a new mirror. We ditch what we don’t understand. People leave. They go back to what’s comfortable. I wonder if it’s because they know that they will never change and how dare you to tell them how to live through friendly sarcasm or through pursuing your own dreams in your own way. I am just stating the obvious. That’s what I was doing. Is that how you feel when you pick up a camera or throw paint on a canvas or write cheesy poetry or weed a script you’ve been working on for a while now? Don’t hide in the sugar; go and be as deep as you can.

I guess at the end of the day, who cares if the people you pegged as friends or whatever they are in your own life leave you because you’re different and like different things. What we’re doing is so goddamn obvious. It’s hard to trust your feelings.

Love the life you feel, not the life others think is logical. That’s how the best art is made. That’s how your best life can be lived as well.

But know that people you know will leave. Always.